This real boy.. His hazel eyes; his black hair and his tan complexion were all too familiar. I shouldn't have let myself so hard fall for him. I didn't know what I was getting into. I should've told myself from the beginning that's not Boy X. I fell into a false relationship based on nothing. And he let me fall. I feel as if no one can measure up to Boy X and I'm starting to doubt real life relationships. I've been so attatched to false people; I just don't know how to act anymore. I can't control anyone in real life but I don't want to sink back into my world. I keep blowing off hanging out with my friends because I just can't handle it. All I know is that relationships aren't how they used to be before I had MD. Somewhere along the way, I've lost myself.

(this entry is old, i don't know why it didn't post, from a couple weeks ago.)
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.

Open your eyes and look outside, find the reasons why.
You've been rejected, and now you can't find what you left behind.
Be strong, be strong now.
Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.

Her feelings she hides.
Her dreams she can't find.
She's losing her mind.
She's fallen behind.
She can't find her place.
She's losing her faith.
She's fallen from grace.
She's all over the place.

(This was supposed to be posted 2 weeks ago, wtf. I don't know why it didn't post.)
I'm sooo sorry I haven't written forever, but hey, I have 7 followers now, yay.

      My life has been so busy during the last couple of months I have nowhere to start. I've been prescribed Paxil (30 mgs) for social anxiety & generalized anxiety. It's helped tremendously with my social life but the downside is that its helped with the daydreaming too. I do still daydream, but it is a bit more controllable and the storylines are crappier than they were. Sorry Boy X.
 On the other hand, I've met new friends. New friends brings new drama. Sometimes I wonder if I should just stay inside my mind or go out with real people. I feel alienated sometimes. I can't tell people what to say, think or do.
If I stay out too long, I get this feeling like I've been gone too long from my world. Reality overdose, complete with hangovers. The feeling drags into my stomach and continues until I go home. I can't stay out for long. D; 
Is any other mental disorder this ridiculous?

Ack! I keep forgetting to write. I've been daydreaming soo much, that's understandable right? I'll make up for it the next couple weeks. (4 followers, yay. :) )

This semester, I'm trying a new class: painting.

I've been trying to release my creativity in other ways other than daydreaming to see if it works.

Maybe painting will help me express my creativity more and I'll daydream less, who knows.. but I keep daydreaming and messing up my paintings, haha. I've tried writing some fantasies down but they're just so darn complicated.

 
My storyline is running dry. I've played through all scenarios I can think of over a span of 3 years but of course I'll always think of more. I'm so tempted to create another world. Deeper story line, deeper characters, deeper away from reality.

It'll be 3 years this month since I've started Maladaptive daydreaming. I remember when I started so well. It's odd because I daydream more during certain seasons like spring and summer. I guess it's because my world takes place mostly during spring and summer and during fall and winter I forget what it all actually looks like. I'm sorry if it doesn't make sense. :/ lol

I really want to go see the movie suckerpunch -- It sounds just like maladaptive daydreaming:

I've never realized how much daydreaming has made real life so absent in color. It's like I lay down and daydream for a couple hours and come back to my real life then look around  the room at the pale wallpaper and bare floor.. it's like what the hell is this? I should be ashamed of myself running from the real world which people call "beautiful" I don't see how beautiful it is right now, but I used to.

I had a dream the other night I was carrying 3 shoes. According to dream dictionary, dreammoods.com,

Do you think maladaptive daydreaming could make you gay, bi, lez or develop gender identity issues over time if you daydream you're the opposite sex?