Reality vs. Daydreaming - Round one *ding ding*

Posted by TwistedFantasies | Posted in | Posted on 9:15 PM


(this entry is old, i don't know why it didn't post, from a couple weeks ago.)
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.

Open your eyes and look outside, find the reasons why.
You've been rejected, and now you can't find what you left behind.
Be strong, be strong now.
Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.

Her feelings she hides.
Her dreams she can't find.
She's losing her mind.
She's fallen behind.
She can't find her place.
She's losing her faith.
She's fallen from grace.
She's all over the place.

Avril Lavigne - Nobody's home.

Summer break
 Usually where I fall in my bed, ignore the rest of the world and focus on mine. Today I had to be daydreaming for at least 6 hours. I've been busy and have had no time to go that in depth to my world like I did today.
The more I daydream, the more I'm feeding the monster hiding beneath the hazel eyes and tan skin, Boy X. He's running me; he's ruining me.  He's feeding off every single negative detail in my life, boxing it up and taping it over until I look in the box. Do not drop, contents fragile. The box is ugly inside. I'm not ready to open the box yet.

This summer is different than any other before. I'm going out with friends more and that's a big + on the social side but I feel dislocated going out. It's fun and all but under neath, it's breaking me inside. Boy X doesn't like it. He's tearing through my skin, shredding my emotions and gnawing at my mind until I tend to him. He doesn't want me to interact with real people? stupid stupid stupid. So, I had to leave a party early because of this. I felt soo bad for leaving for such a stupid reason. I'm guessing I should build up to social interactions and limit daydreaming.
Reality vs. Daydreaming Round one. *ding ding*

Paxhell paxil.

Posted by TwistedFantasies | Posted in | Posted on 8:54 PM


(This was supposed to be posted 2 weeks ago, wtf. I don't know why it didn't post.)
I'm sooo sorry I haven't written forever, but hey, I have 7 followers now, yay.

      My life has been so busy during the last couple of months I have nowhere to start. I've been prescribed Paxil (30 mgs) for social anxiety & generalized anxiety. It's helped tremendously with my social life but the downside is that its helped with the daydreaming too. I do still daydream, but it is a bit more controllable and the storylines are crappier than they were. Sorry Boy X.
 On the other hand, I've met new friends. New friends brings new drama. Sometimes I wonder if I should just stay inside my mind or go out with real people. I feel alienated sometimes. I can't tell people what to say, think or do.
If I stay out too long, I get this feeling like I've been gone too long from my world. Reality overdose, complete with hangovers. The feeling drags into my stomach and continues until I go home. I can't stay out for long. D; 
Is any other mental disorder this ridiculous?