That's not Boy X.

Posted by TwistedFantasies | Posted in | Posted on 3:14 PM


This real boy.. His hazel eyes; his black hair and his tan complexion were all too familiar. I shouldn't have let myself so hard fall for him. I didn't know what I was getting into. I should've told myself from the beginning that's not Boy X. I fell into a false relationship based on nothing. And he let me fall. I feel as if no one can measure up to Boy X and I'm starting to doubt real life relationships. I've been so attatched to false people; I just don't know how to act anymore. I can't control anyone in real life but I don't want to sink back into my world. I keep blowing off hanging out with my friends because I just can't handle it. All I know is that relationships aren't how they used to be before I had MD. Somewhere along the way, I've lost myself.

In my real world of teen angst, I feel out of place. I can't stand peer pressure and my friends are all about dating, whos dating who, etc. I was forced into making out with some guy to avoid looking like some asshole.*excuse language. D; * It's times like this where I wish Boy X were real.

btw;; i'll be making a tumblr to link with my blog soon. :)

I've got a pocketful of sunshine.

Posted by TwistedFantasies | Posted in | Posted on 2:15 PM


 This was supposed to post in October. >_>

I got a pocket,
got a pocket full of sunshine
I've got a love and I know that it's all mine
Do what you want,
but you're never gonna break me,
sticks and stones are never gonna shake me

Take me away (take me away)
A secret place (a secret place)
A sweet escape (a sweet escape)
Take me away (take me away)
Take me away (take me away
To better days (to better days)
Take me away (take me away)
A hiding place (a hiding place)

This used to be my favorite song when my md first started. I knew I had a secret place; my own untarnished work of creativity; uncontaiminated by the negativity of everyday life.
Lately, I've been very nostalgic about my daydream world from when it first started. I remember when my eyes would rip & shread reality apart looking for anything to incorporate into my pocketful of sunshine. 

Since I've started my anxiety medication, daydreaming has become nothing more than a blur of memories with a dry storyline & characters. It's my pocketful of sunshine only when I need it. It's getting harder to dip below into the bottomless ocean of dreaming. But I'm drowning in my emotions.