Boy X

Posted by TwistedFantasies | Posted in | Posted on 7:21 AM


I've been too lazy to write the past couple days, haah..

ah, holidays. a.k.a. the days where I get nothing done. I always need to make sure my characters have a good holiday too.. ;l
 I spent a lot of time with my real life family and I couldn't even really be there.. that's a shame. I feel guilty about md.. but then I can't help it. *sigh* 

I have a rollercoaster of emotions. I fancy this guy in real life, but Melanie has a boyfriend. I don't want to say his name, so we'll call him Boy X I don't want a love triangle with my mind.. agh.  & mel's boyfriend is just a celebrity I got from a magazine.. but I changed some features on his face so he's mine now.     
    I just can't stand to see this guy. He's going to be in a bunch of upcoming movies and I don't know what I'm gonna do.. I try to avoid his fansites, things like usa today magazines.. but I don't know if that's enough. It's soo weird how you can have emotional attatchments & things to someone who's not real.

Boy X has been bothering me all day. Well, not really bothering but holding me in his arms and such. I don't know if I would take the real guy I fancy over Boy X.. but then, again, he is real.
I hate dealing with all this daydreaming.. It's soo draining.
I got the sims 3 for christmas and I think I'll have fun making my characters into sims.;S

The creative is the place where no one else has ever been. You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition. What you’ll discover will be wonderful. What you’ll discover is yourself.” — Alan Alda

colorless & pale.

Posted by TwistedFantasies | Posted in | Posted on 7:10 PM


Today, I struggled for about 2 hours writing a two page essay on a book response I had to read for class.. it's soo hard to get something accomplished when all you want to do is daydream. It's odd how a blank page with lines can fade into something so colorful.
I've never noticed I never really look at anything in reality, like take the time to focus on the details and such of an object.. but everything seems so colorless and pale. I wonder if anyone else feels the same way.. are normal people's daydreams colorful enough to make them view reality this way?
I've been reading about how much maladaptive daydreaming has affected people's lives.. yet they embrace it.
I fear I'm going to be 40 and still living in my daydreams of teen love and lust. 
but.. I can't leave just leave melanie like that. who knew a bunch of creativity, imagination and maladaptiveness (sp?) could craft something so beautiful.

I need more followers, i need a way to make this blog more popular. hmm...

i'll write tomorrow.
if anyone has aim, they can add me.

held below the surface.

Posted by TwistedFantasies | Posted in | Posted on 3:16 PM


Seems that I have been held, in some dreaming state
A tourist in the waking world, never quite awake
No kiss, no gentle word could wake me from this slumber
Until I realize that it was you who held me under

Florence + the machine - Blinding

This song fits me so well. I'm being held hostage by my own creativity. It's bringing me down below the surface and I don't have a desire to come back up.. but it's getting difficult to breathe. I need to take in a fresh breath of reality and find myself.. find Anne.
quoted from forum.
I apparently don't understand social norms because the people inside my mind all thought like I did and that made sense. 
That makes soo much sense. I don't understand how normal people's minds all work.  I guess that's why out in public is such an ideal place for me to daydream. 
At school, I'm soo entangled in myself.. 
The teacher's voice just becomes background noise to my character's voices. 
I don't really have much to write today.. those are just some of my thoughts I guess.
I'll write more later/tomorrow.

Flawed Reality

Posted by TwistedFantasies | Posted in | Posted on 4:41 PM


I'm feeling sad and lonely without daydreaming right now. I've been trying to come down from my daydreaming high for some time to get something productive done. I can't focus enough to study for finals which are tomorrow. I feel sad that I can't hold myself down in reality long enough to get anything accomplished. It's so frustrating.
I've been on a 2 day daydreaming binge since Friday night and I feel sick now. I'm hurting myself with each day that goes by with this haphazard addiction. I've got a lot accomplished fictional-wise. 
My fictional  character's name is Melanie. All day, everyday, I'm playing melanie melanie melanie. It's all just a big play and I never miss my lines. I can't wait until I see the day where I come out of my costume.
I ask myself what happened to my life. What happened to me? Where's Anne?

I've been looking at pictures on the internet of a celebrity which is supposed to be Mel's boyfriend. I can't stand to look at this guy's face.. I don't want to see anything about him. When I do, a rush of excitement compels me to look at more then it fades into nothing more than what/who this person is supposed to be in my own world or mind.. then I remember they aren't real. 

It really doesn't help that I put new music on my ipod that I enjoy. When I listen to music, I like to make up my own custom music video in my head to go along with it.

Skillet - Hero
All Around Me - Flyleaf
Yellow - Coldplay

Twisted fantasies

Posted by TwistedFantasies | Posted in | Posted on 10:38 AM


I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing

My hands float up above me

And you whisper you love me
And I begin to fade
Into our secret place -


I don't know exactly if I'll make this blog public or how I'll start this blog.. but I have an addiction.
I'm addicted to daydreaming.
I've spent countless hours creating characters and crafting worlds to make them my own.
I have emotional attachments to fictional characters that I've created.
Reality is fading and I'm just left to fade along with it. unless I make a change.
It's called Maladaptive daydreaming and it's just starting to be studied.

I'm forced to believe what's normal is not thinking below the surface. 
If a whole world unfolded in your mind when you wanted it to, would you abuse it?
How far would you go to escape? I remember when I was normal. I'm only a teen and it seems like I've lived with this forever. It started when reality was so horrible, I couldn't handle it. so, I made my own. I don't want to get rid of this condition but it's ruining my life.
Any simple task takes forever to do because I frequently stop and daydream,
I can't study so my grades are shit.. and my parents think I'm a psychotic.
I was just an empty shell before I started daydreaming.
Creativity filled the shell with color. I don't want to go back to reality.
I realized how much people don't know what their creativity and imagination are capable of doing.
I know I'm hurting myself every step I take in another world but.. I can't help myself,
It's like a natural high. When I'm thinking & creating, it's such a euphoric feeling.. but it's ruining my life like with other addictions.

Today, I've gone on a 4 hour daydreaming binge, fell asleep and now I feel sick and dazed.
I don't like living like this.
I know I've already set myself up to fail if I try to quit today.

I don't know when or if I'll stop.