Twisted fantasies
Posted by TwistedFantasies | Posted in | Posted on 10:38 AM
I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing
My hands float up above me
And you whisper you love me
And I begin to fade
Into our secret place -
-Flyleaf
I don't know exactly if I'll make this blog public or how I'll start this blog.. but I have an addiction.
I'm addicted to daydreaming.
I've spent countless hours creating characters and crafting worlds to make them my own.
I have emotional attachments to fictional characters that I've created.
Reality is fading and I'm just left to fade along with it. unless I make a change.
It's called Maladaptive daydreaming and it's just starting to be studied.
I'm forced to believe what's normal is not thinking below the surface.
If a whole world unfolded in your mind when you wanted it to, would you abuse it?
How far would you go to escape? I remember when I was normal. I'm only a teen and it seems like I've lived with this forever. It started when reality was so horrible, I couldn't handle it. so, I made my own. I don't want to get rid of this condition but it's ruining my life.
Any simple task takes forever to do because I frequently stop and daydream,
I can't study so my grades are shit.. and my parents think I'm a psychotic.
I was just an empty shell before I started daydreaming.
Creativity filled the shell with color. I don't want to go back to reality.
I realized how much people don't know what their creativity and imagination are capable of doing.
I know I'm hurting myself every step I take in another world but.. I can't help myself,
It's like a natural high. When I'm thinking & creating, it's such a euphoric feeling.. but it's ruining my life like with other addictions.
Today, I've gone on a 4 hour daydreaming binge, fell asleep and now I feel sick and dazed.
I don't like living like this.
I know I've already set myself up to fail if I try to quit today.
I don't know when or if I'll stop.
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing
My hands float up above me
And you whisper you love me
And I begin to fade
Into our secret place -
-Flyleaf
I don't know exactly if I'll make this blog public or how I'll start this blog.. but I have an addiction.
I'm addicted to daydreaming.
I've spent countless hours creating characters and crafting worlds to make them my own.
I have emotional attachments to fictional characters that I've created.
Reality is fading and I'm just left to fade along with it. unless I make a change.
It's called Maladaptive daydreaming and it's just starting to be studied.
I'm forced to believe what's normal is not thinking below the surface.
If a whole world unfolded in your mind when you wanted it to, would you abuse it?
How far would you go to escape? I remember when I was normal. I'm only a teen and it seems like I've lived with this forever. It started when reality was so horrible, I couldn't handle it. so, I made my own. I don't want to get rid of this condition but it's ruining my life.
Any simple task takes forever to do because I frequently stop and daydream,
I can't study so my grades are shit.. and my parents think I'm a psychotic.
I was just an empty shell before I started daydreaming.
Creativity filled the shell with color. I don't want to go back to reality.
I realized how much people don't know what their creativity and imagination are capable of doing.
I know I'm hurting myself every step I take in another world but.. I can't help myself,
It's like a natural high. When I'm thinking & creating, it's such a euphoric feeling.. but it's ruining my life like with other addictions.
Today, I've gone on a 4 hour daydreaming binge, fell asleep and now I feel sick and dazed.
I don't like living like this.
I know I've already set myself up to fail if I try to quit today.
I don't know when or if I'll stop.
This is incredible. I am EXACTLY like this. I daydream for hours pretty much every day. I know I started my dream worlds when I was like 9 or so but back then it was just on the bus to school or in bed before sleep. Now I do it for hours in my room to music (im 16 now). The things i dream about have also changed a lot over time. It's like an addiction, whenever i try not to do it for a while it drives me crazy. Especially if i see a movie or read a book that inspires it more.
Part of me wants to wake up and get more out of real life. I have friends but i tend to minimize how much time i spend with them outside school, i'd rather be home with my dreams then out with them. I'm missing out on experiences everyone says are worth getting, but part of me doesn't want to stop. It's so... liberating. Im free and Im a whole new version of myself when i get into the skin of my character. She's a completely different person but I guess she's what I would be if i could choose to be like someone. It's a euphoria I can't even really explain.
I used to be incredibly depressed, almost suicidal and the dreams were all that let me get away, but I'm better now. But the dreams are still here.
I've only just found this blog but im going to go through your blog posts until I catch up. I googled today about having these kinds of fantasys and MD is the best fit. I hate that it's not even recognized as a condition though because it means there is no real treatment. Maybe knowing other people with the same condition can help us learn to control it.